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Friday, October 10, 2008
Okay, I'm back here blogging.. So here's the thing.. I feel really really bad.. This morning, I went online, and ZOMG! A.N.D.R.E.W. was online.. mann, its been a really long time since I've seen him online.. So yeah, kinda overjoyed I guess.. Wait, not quite.. That's also the part where I felt really bad.. okay..SO, A.N.D.R.E.W. started the convo.. he said 'hey', so I said 'oh, heyy'. Then, he was like 'so hows things?'.... Well, you know me, I always speak my mind, and I don't really give any thought to it.. so I replied an honest answer.. I said 'bad...' Honestly, I really was going through some troubles.. like, I was really troubled.. Well, okay, I guess its not just A.N.D.R.E.W. I mean, there were other close friends who asked me how I've been.. and, I'd start off telling them how I really am feeling.. then I'll just suddenly tell them I was kidding.. and that I was fine.. So yeah, I did the same.. After some time, I told him that I was only kidding.. and I am fine.. Ok.. I'm not trying to be a bad friend, the kind that lies to their friends, but.. the thing is.. I really cant let my friends worry.. So I just found out that my knee problem just got worse.. I really have got no idea whats gonna happen.. I'm starting to go depressed again.. I really need the sun, the sea, the wind.. I need to sail.. idk.. I think I've grown attached to sailing.. like, every sat and sun, at night, after my night prayer, before I go to sleep, I just start to tear.. And all that's in my head just has to do with sailing..I start to think of princess, A.N.D.R.E.W. , all my friends.. everything.. I just become so, so , so damn sad. I feel that weird feeling in my heart... It feels like its stretching, or something like that.. And eventually, I cry myself to sleep.. idk. is it because I feel this emptiness? Usually, sailing would take up my whole weekend.. it distracts me.. And now that I've quit sailing, Its just not there anymore.. I didn't willingly quit sailing in the first place.. I just thought that, maybe if I quit sailing, I'd forget bout A.N.D.R.E.W. , and I'd stop hurting myself.. But, I am so wrong.. I just got into a more phucked up depression state.. Why did I ever have to fall for him..
soap amplified; at 11:32 AM
SOAP
CHIJ STC
THERESIAN
FOUR SAINT CLARE
06 NOVEMBER SAILOR
GUITARIST
ROCKSTAR
I LOVE MY BAND
